Tonight has hit me hard with nostalgia.
As I look back over the course of the past few years, I can’t help but realize just how much I’ve changed.
The past few years have revolved around unbecoming. It’s revolved around unraveling, exposing, breaking down, unearthing, all until I’ve been stripped to my bare minimum.
After it all, gaining perspective seemed unattainable. Emotional and physical healing felt insurmountable.
My identity of who I thought I was, the things I stood for, all that I loved had been taken away. Amidst the disarray, I’d experience brief moments of clarity. I began to feel as if I was figuring out my disconcerted life, but those moments were fleeting, few & far between.
To this day, I’m still left trying to discern the meaning of it all yet I continually fall short. Of all that I’ve attempted to process or understand, this has stood out the most,
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything – Maybe it’s about
unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were truly
meant to be.”
I have had so much taken away from me from an incident that wasn’t my fault, that I had no control over. I have had to give up life long dreams, goals, expectations. I’ve hit rock bottom. I’ve questioned all that I’ve believed in, all that I’ve stood for, people I have loved, but most of all “what is the point of my life now.”
Photography has offered me a creative outlet to express myself, to allow me to explore those questions. Through it, I’ve found gratitude that I’m still alive after one of the injuries I’ve suffered – SIS (Second Impact Syndrome) which a 50% fatality rate – gratitude for the compassion I’ve gained for others, for the maturity I’ve attained, & for constantly seeking out the beauty amongst brokenness.
Each & every one of us has a transformative power held within our stories of how we came to be. Rather than running away, maybe it’s time we start embracing. Take ahold of the messy, chaotic, undesirable, broken, flawed person that you are & own it; embrace all the you’ve had to unbecome. Once you finally accept & understand the reality of your life or current situation, only then will you be able to explore all the beauty it beholds.